Like every first episode, last week’s had too much exposition and not enough guts, so let’s get to it.
This was my grandfather.
Days before Christmas of 1944.
His dad dies in the front yard.
His mum dies from the shock of finding him.
A neighbour tells my grandfather to - who at the time was a young dad with two toddlers of his own - check his parent’s house. Something doesn’t seem right.
He is first to the scene.
His mum and dad dead, together.
Days after, the story was in at least 40 Australian newspapers (each town had a paper back then).
We read about trauma every day. But this is family. We don’t know how it affected him because they didn’t talk about that stuff back then. Talking to my mum about it today, this is now the mystery. How did he cope?
There’s no doubt that much of the spirit of what happened that day has made its way down the generations.
Fast forward 75 years, and I’m in one of those rooms you see of people sitting in a circle talking about their feelings. It’s okay, cool it. Nobody died. It’s a session for a wonderful program by Relationships Australia called Tuning Into Kids that helps parents… um… tune into their kids.
After a few sessions, a penny drops. I’ve realised all the mums (I was the only dad, come on fellas, you gotta go to these things), were dealing with their own childhoods as much as their kids’. And get this, the big issues were with their own parents’ and grandparents’ attitudes to their parenting.
Here’s the bit that floored me… the more we listened, you could trace the gen gap problems back generations to similar family traumas like WW2, war camps, civil wars in their earlier countries, and the refugee experience.
And what we were all trying to do with our own parenting was to interrupt the cycle and dilute those traumas one more generation down the best we could.
Another thing I found out was that most of the dads who weren’t at these sessions were a big part of the problems in that room. They were repeating attitudes that their parents could have inherited from their own parents. And to put it plainly, they didn’t have the patience to work through the mental load of getting a kid out of bed, dressed and to primary school. So they disengaged.
Fellas, you gotta realise that the stoic ‘I coped with discipline so my kids should be able to handle it’ thing you’re holding close to you isn’t working. I fall for this too. Climb that family tree and you’ll see your parents might have been dealing with stuff that went up to that branch and many other branches above.
Show some discipline yourself and listen to the problems around you. We’re only here once.
Okay, easing the load with this travesty of justice.
Great that Julian Assange is free, but…
I’m still confused about the time he blocked me on twitter for this…
No footy talk this week.
This week was a bye and I’ve just spent hours and hours and hours just thinking about footy for my work, so yeah, let’s move on.
This is the greatest dive in the history of sports.
On Tuesday, the rain was coming. Afghanistan needed to delay the game. If everyone had to get off the field, they win the game. So this happens.
That’s my pfffftlaugh you can hear. It’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen on a cricket field. Pure genius. If this is your bag, Dan Liebke writes about the ridiculousness of the world’s most ridiculous sport in his substack. Every time I see stupidity like this, I think of Dan. He gets it. He writes funny cricket books too.
What to watch.
STAX: Soulsville USA on Binge. Incredible four part series on the label which was home to Otis Redding, Carla Thomas, Isaac Hayes, Sam & Dave and gazillions more. The Stax label story goes places you can’t prepare for. The stories about Martin Luther King’s assassination and rushing out Dock of the Bay days after Otis Redding’s death are gobsmacking. So much clean footage, wonderful photography covering every part of the story, and an absence of Dave Grohl makes it a music doco that tries harder than most.
What to listen to.
James Chance died last week. He was a big name in New York’s no wave scene. Hung out with all the cool people like Basquait, John Lurie, Lydia Lunch, Kid Creole etc. Most of his stuff is hard to listen to, a lotta you won’t get his vibe, but you need to hear his version of Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough.
What computer to buy before the EOFY this week.
Have you noticed that this week your phone and computer is going a bit shit this week? I’m convinced it’s RIGGED so you feel like you need to buy a new one before the end of the month. Anyway, if you need a computer, I can say my MacBook Air M2 has been great. You most likely don’t need the Pro. It runs well with all the Adobe things, has enough ports and HD space, screen seems bigger and the sound is good. The double adapter power socket thing is worth every cent.
Friends you should hire.
It’s tough out there for creatives so I want to celebrate the guns I know. This week, meet photographer, Brent Lukey. The briefs landing on his desk, so to speak, are getting more exciting by the week. I found that what makes the best photographers is that they’re beautiful humans. They find love in light, and when taking photos of people, their warmth brings out the best in us. They just make you feel good because that’s their job. He doesn’t just do portraits, his outdoors and street photography is sublime. His instagram is here and his website is here.
Here’s the Shaun Micallef book cover he shot.
And here’s a street photo.
And another. Those eyes. Wow.
What not to drink (#GPsBullshitCollabs).
Old Hulk theme tune - 4 stars, Margaret. Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno as The Hulk - 3 stars, Margaret. Rene Kink - 5 stars, Margaret. The idea of a bloke turning green and ripped, ripping his shirt and going berserk - 4 stars, Margaret. The shirt’s structural integrity and flimsy sewing of buttons - 2 stars, Margaret. Uncontrolled male anger - 0 stars, Margaret. Asking, is the hulk on this can punching or fisting? - 4 stars, Margaret. The chances of the kids seeing this and developing a lifelong addiction from wanting this can - 2 stars, Margaret. This bullshitcollab - 1 star, Margaret.
Thank youse.
I’m over the moon surprised and honoured by how many of you have read and/or subscribed to this thing already. Thank youse. And Myf and Zan, your words in this weeks episode about this newsletter and the stuff I do made me blush. I’m seeing so many Bangfam coming to have a look already! Thank youse.
All this has put the pressure on me to keep on going and put on a better show every week. It’s scary but again, I thank youse all.