Wake up to yourself, sailor.

Sliced fingers, bad manhood, and the greatest funeral song ever played.

I almost cut my finger off on Tuesday.

New breadknife, loaf of hardcore polish rye, lots of blood. Lucky it was the breadknife because the serrated edge halted on the bone.

Different story if it was my boning knife.

Up until a few hours ago, it hurt too much to type words with the letters F,G,T, B, R and especially, V.

But the show must go on.

Man, oh man.

Recently in my day-work, I read a study called The Man Box which looks at the attitudes of Australian men under 45 about what it is to be a man.

Men are asked how much they agree with 19 ‘Man Box rules’. Here’s three of the rules to get a gist…

A guy who doesn’t fight back when others push him around is weak.

A man shouldn’t have to do household chores.

Men should use violence to get respect if necessary.

I won’t list them all but they’re here if you want to read them.

So the study has found that over the past few years, more younger men are believing in these rules.

But here’s the scary thing. The more a man believes in what you and I might see as antiquated attitudes, the more likely that man will be violent to women and family. Disturbingly, more than half of the men who agreed wholeheartedly with the 19 rules admitted to being violent to women. The things they admitted to are shocking. Take my word for it, or read the findings here.

This is getting heavy so let’s meet some sailors.

Some able seamen, yesterday.

Sailors below the poop deck yesterday (photos by me).

We boarded the Mexican Navy’s tall ship, Cuauhtemoc yesterday. It’s a beautiful sailing ship made for training and racing in the world tall ship racing circuit. The uniforms are so cool.

All are bored!

Armada van sailin’

It’s at Station Pier for a day or so and will visit Sydney next week.

What do you want to be remembered for?

Back to bad man-vibes.

Let’s say that there’s a bloke who spends much of his days online on conspiracy websites. Outside of work, he isn’t too social, though probably has a network of acquaintances he types to on those websites. He rants on social media, yet to the neighbourhood and community outside his screens, he is absent.

He’s made it extremely clear to you that he believes in most of the Man Box rules. He is in a dubious place, mental health and anger management wise. You also suspect he’s been violent to his partner - and having now read the Man Box findings, you have more reason to worry.

What do you say to a person like this? You don’t want a fight, especially if you suspect that part of his identity is a misguided toughness and fight. You don’t want them to rant at you. They may be too far gone to change. And is it your business?

Maybe in a quiet moment when he’s nice, ask what he wants to be remembered for.

Ask what he thinks people will say at his funeral.

Yeah, ‘funeral’ is the F-word buzz killer for any conversation! But thinking about funerals, and the thinking you do at funerals, helps gauge what really matters.

Will they talk about all the time he stayed back at the sports club to clean up the rooms? Will they talk about how he was a mentor to the younger people in his life? Will they say he cared? Will they say he was a lovely bloke?

I don’t know what these questions will achieve (please, I am no expert!), but maybe a little self reflection might help the people around him.

This brings us to the greatest funeral moment I’ve been part of.

True story: The greatest funeral song ever.

My uncle George grew up in Italy. He was a cheeky bugger and looked like Super Mario. He threw great parties - you know, pig on a spit, loud disco, the works.

Anyway, his funeral service at an outer Melbourne cemetery you’ve probably been to, hit the song photo montage part of proceedings… and this happened.

“And now we will see some photos of our Giorgio and the people he loved to the song he loved most. I’m sure over the years he’s played it to all of you in this room. It was a song he would play to get the party started. It was a song he’ll play to anyone visiting the first time… “You gotta hear this song. It’s the best song ever. It’s the best!” So when you’re listening to this song, his favourite song, think of all the wonderful times you’ve had with our Giorgio.”

Silence. We wait. It’s the day’s longest four seconds.

The song starts.

It’s Ghostbusters.

That, my friends, is how to be remembered.

The ultimate indie muso’s handbook.

Jen Cloher has put together a handbook for people who want to release music as an independent, self managed artist. It’s got everything she can think of in the artistic/music process, from working out where you fit in the whole thing to what success looks like, to filling out all the forms for APRA, the streaming services, running a label, book keeping, tax, touring, paying band members, touring and dealing with debt and isolation.

It’s an extraordinary document - so thoughtful - well worth the read even if you aren’t a musician. It certainly prodded my thinking of where I fit in my work-life and creativity, even though I work nowhere near the music world.

And it’s a live google doc!!

Revive your 3pm slump while questioning your life choices with Doritos!

These are real. I 💩 you not.

This is what it says on the back of this travesty:

Revive your 3pm slump with Doritos Coffee! An afternoon snack and coffee hit all in one! Are you ready to wake up your taste buds?

No, seriously. It says all that. Because I’m your canary in the bull mine, I poured myself a cup at precisely 3pm to see if works.

Why do I do this to myself?

Look, they didn’t taste too bad but they did make me feel stupid.

Did they keep me awake?

Not sure, because after downing the crunchy cuppa, I read the following passage on the back of the chips…

Join the conversation!

Share your thoughts on our bold blend #doritoscoffee

… words that made me cry so much at the stupidity of modern existence that I cried myself to sleep.

After all that you deserve this 16 minute version of Ghostbusters.